Chopping Mall (1986)

Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg.

There are certain movie titles that simply belong on a VHS shelf.

Chopping Mall might be near the top of the list.

Jim Wynorski’s 1986 cult favorite takes one of the great teenage hangouts of the decade—the shopping mall—locks the doors for the night and unleashes three heavily armed security robots that have apparently decided shoplifting isn’t the only crime punishable by death.

That’s the movie. That’s the pitch. We’re renting it.

A group of mall employees decides to stick around after closing for a little unauthorized furniture-store party. Unfortunately, the mall has recently installed a new robotic security system, and after a lightning storm screws with the electronics, the Protectors stop protecting much of anything.

Kelli Maroney’s Allison and Tony O’Dell’s Ferdy give the movie somebody worth rooting for, while Barbara Crampton, John Terlesky, Russell Todd and the rest of the after-hours crew gradually discover that hiding inside a locked shopping mall isn’t nearly as much fun when the directory should read YOU ARE HERE… AND SO ARE THE KILLBOTS.

And Chopping Mall knows exactly what kind of movie it is. It’s fast, goofy, packed with neon-lit mall atmosphere and never wastes much time pretending killer security robots need a complicated explanation. By the time lasers start flying through department stores, you’ve either bought your ticket or you’re shopping in the wrong aisle.

Best of all, it captures something you can’t really recreate anymore: the giant ’80s shopping mall after dark. Empty escalators. Darkened storefronts. Mannequins staring from display windows. A food court with nobody around. It’s practically a time capsule—with lasers.

Why Chopping Mall Is Worth Renting

The Sherman Oaks Galleria gives the movie something no soundstage could fake. Once the crowds disappear, all those escalators, display windows, dark stores and empty walkways become surprisingly creepy. Add some neon, a few roaming robots and Chuck Cirino’s synth-heavy score, and suddenly wandering around the mall after closing doesn’t sound nearly as cool as it did ten minutes ago.

The Protectors Are Ridiculous in All the Right Ways

These things roll around looking like somebody weaponized an appliance department, and that’s precisely why they work. They shoot lasers, shrug off attacks and politely announce “Thank you. Have a nice day” while making everybody’s evening considerably less nice. Jason they are not. They don’t need to be.

Kelli Maroney Understands the Assignment

Allison begins the night as the quiet one who isn’t even particularly excited about being at the party. By the time the Protectors have turned the mall into a war zone, she’s had enough. Maroney gives us exactly the kind of unlikely ’80s survivor we love around here, and the final stretch lets her stop hiding and start figuring out how to send mall security permanently offline.

Chopping Mall Official Trailer